Caress
by Materia-Blade
Summary: For all these years my lies have haunted me. My guilt has hidden in the back of my throat. My lies caught up with me, though. So... I have no choice. I have to tell the truth. Please... forgive me. I love you. Even though I'm not her...


** Caress**

**--------------------------------------------------------------  
**

Received August 14th 2004

Entry One

_I know you can't stand to look at me… Probably  
can't even stand the thought of me…_

_So… I'm going to tell the truth… all of it. I can't  
write it all at once… it's too hard. But I'll tell  
you everything. _

_What I did. Why I did it. And what happened…  
after…_

_I know you probably don't want to listen. But…  
I… I beg you… Please read… I can't send it  
all at once… it's too hard… too… _

_I'm sorry… about the tears on the page I  
mean. I c-can't help it. _

_Okay… Here I go._

_Alone. That's all I had felt after she died. I  
failed to save her. Everyone knew that  
already. But how weak it made me feel.  
Forever knowing that I was at fault for  
the death of the one person I cared more  
about than anyone else in the entire world. _

_Every night for ages I cried myself to sleep.  
Every moment in my misery I begged Akane  
to forgive me. For not being strong enough.  
For not being able to make her eyes open  
that day. _

_The others began to drift away after that.  
Ukyo tried- I can't remember for how  
long –to make me see reason. To make  
me return to who I was. To make me…  
live._

_But I couldn't._

_She was gone. How could I possibly survive  
when she was gone? I hadn't even known  
it at the time. She was… was everything. At  
the time… god I was such a fool! At the time  
I thought of her as a friend. If even that! I  
discarded the chances she gave me. Never  
taught her martial arts, or spent the time to  
teach her how to cook. I could have… I  
should have… if only…_

_I loved her. More than the world. I'd have  
given everything for just one moment to tell  
her… If it would get me a minute with her I  
would… would… _

_Heh… sorry… I tear up sometimes when I think  
about her too long. That's why… why I always  
cried. It wasn't _'Ranma.'_ It was Akane. You  
probably want to kill me… don't you Ryoga? I  
don't blame you. God, I want to kill me. I  
deserve to die… for what I did to you… to  
them. _

_To us…_

_Please…_

_Please forgive me… _

_For Akane I'd move a mountain… for you I'd…  
I'd… _

_Forget her…_

_Please…_

_Please forgive me._

_I love you._

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Received August 15rd 2004

Entry Two

_It… it'll be hard to believe… sorry about last time.  
I doubt you have much pity… I… I know I wouldn't.  
I never would have told you either so I guess… I  
guess that makes it even worse._

_I… I'm just stalling, aren't I…?_

_Okay… Here goes… _

_Ranma left… I left… trying to find Akane. There…  
well you know there was never any body found. I  
thought… hoped that she was alive._

_Gods... I can't.. I'm s-sorry… N-next time…_

_Please… If there's anyway you… you can…_

_Please forgive me._

_I love you._

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Received August 16th 2004  
_  
_Entry Three

_I found her… I found A-Akane… Ryoga… She was…  
was… dead… _

_Her body was… It was rotting. A rotting c-corpse…  
B-buried under all the rubble the collapse caused. I…_

_Gods her _eyes_ were gone! M-Maggots… I… felt so…  
god… I wanted her to forgive me… can't you  
possibly understand? Please?_

_I never meant for things to happen this way. _

_There… under the rubble that was once Mount  
Phoenix, I buried her. Cleaned her… The phoenix  
helped. Th-they… they made her a crystal c-coffin…  
Told me it would preserve her for a thousand years.  
Preserve what was… was left of her._

_Sh-she's… she's still there. I… I can show you… if  
you could… could stand to look at me…_

"_Here lies Akane Tendo, My Tomboy… Always"_

_I… I never was much for words… Sh-she… she knew  
that. I don't even know if… if she loved me back. I…  
I was greedy… I wanted her to myself. I… god I'm so  
sorry._

_I know I should've… should've brought her home in  
defeat and disgrace but I couldn't… I had to find a  
way to ask for forgiveness. _

_  
Y-you… you probably think I'm twisted... insane.  
Maybe I was… But I'm not anymore!_

_I want… I want you now…_

_I've moved on… and I'd like to hope that Akane  
has forgiven me by now._

_Please…let me…_

_Please forgive me._

_I love you._

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Received August 17th 2004

Entry Four

_I was insane… I went mad in my grief. Every night  
I damned myself for not being good enough. For not  
teaching her. For not spending the time we had  
together like I should've. I loved her more than  
anything._

_But… not as much as I… love you…_

_I went to the spring. The spring they made where  
Akane drowned but somehow managed to live. I  
dunked myself in male form._

_Y-you could probably guess what happened after  
that. I was… insane I know. I was Akane. But still  
whenever I was dunked with hot water I reverted  
to my female form. From that day on I've never  
been a man. _

_I did it to try to atone. To… to do something. I hated  
myself with every fiber of my being. I wanted to kill  
myself but I couldn't. I wanted to be with her more  
than anything… but I was a coward. I was too afraid.  
Or too stupid. Maybe it would have been better if I'd  
just ended it there. _

_But I couldn't. I'd already gone half way. I had to  
keep going._

_I went to the Musk lands where I met Herb. He gave  
me… gave me the Kaisuifuu. And I locked myself.  
F-from that day on, I made myself Akane. To… to  
make it up to her family. So that... so that she  
could... could live on... through me.  
_

_Y-You… You know most of the rest. The lie I told  
everyone. Make no mistake… It was a complete  
lie… I… Gods I can't believe I…_

_I… Can't seem to stop, can I? Th-this… whole  
paper will probably be soaked…_

_D-did you laugh?_

_I hope you did…_

_Please… I'll do anything… _

_Please forgive me._

_I love you._

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Received August 19th 2004

Entry Five

_I told you all… I told you all that I had died. That  
'Ranma' had given up his soul to return Akane's.  
Mine I called it. _

_I decided, to make it up to Akane, for the life she  
had lost, that I'd lose my own life too. That I'd…  
live for her! And…and maybe she could… could  
live through me._

_I tried to be like her. Tried my best. And it… it  
worked. We held a funeral for 'Ranma.' And…  
and you were there… you held me. I remember  
it… So well. _

_I couldn't snap… well I did a little. You  
remember. I did my best to keep my temper  
when you were comforting 'Akane.' That's what  
Akane would have done. She wouldn't have gotten  
mad at you for trying to comfort her._

_Or would she?_

_I… I wish I knew. All I know now is that… your  
comfort, even though you were consoling me about  
my own death I replaced Akane every time you said  
Ranma. It felt… good. I… I got better. After a while  
I could… could smile again. _

_I took comfort in P-chan. It wasn't until then that  
I understood why Akane love her… P-chan so much.  
She… she was probably thinking about her mother.  
I… I cried to you late at night. I always knew it was  
you though._

_And you… stayed. _

_I remember when I 'found out' about P-chan and you  
being… being the same person. I acted so mad at  
you… it was all a lie… I knew all along… all along  
I… I…_

_Gods I'm so sorry… Everything we know about each  
other is… is a lie… _

_But…_

_Please forgive me._

_I love you._

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Received August 20th 2004

Entry Six

_Time passed. We moved on. I began to forget about  
Ranma. Forget about Akane and move on with  
actually _being _her. You know all about the amnesia  
that I feigned. I didn't know all the things Akane  
knew. Didn't know the names of all her friends.  
Didn't know her favorite candies. Didn't know._

_So anything that seemed unusual, or not like the old  
Akane, I chalked up to that story. That my memories  
weren't all there, from being pulled back from death._

_And who could counter it? No one knew… no one  
suspected._

_You were always there. Even after the P-chan thing.  
Of course I forgave you. I… By then I… couldn't  
lose you. Not you too._

_Not you who came to me in the night when you  
thought I was asleep and kissed me on my  
forehead with your little snout. Not you who  
held me when it was all I could do not to kill  
myself with the memories of Akane and of what  
I had done._

_More time passed. We grew closer. You began training  
me, like I always should have trained her. I'd… grown  
slack by then. I probably was little better then her by  
then anyways._

_But you brought me back. I learned… acted like I'd  
developed all Ranma's techniques on my own from  
memory. Another lie. _

_God, how could you possibly not hate me…_

_But… It wasn't Akane you loved at that alter. No  
matter how much I tried to be like her I'm… I'm not  
her…_

_You l-loved… me…_

_So Please…_

_Please forgive me._

_I love you._

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Received August 21st 2004

  
Entry Seven 

_I could hardly believe it. It… it seemed like no time but…  
suddenly a year had passed since she died. Th-things were…  
were looking up. I was going to college and you'd found  
a cure for your directional curse. _

_I'd finally gotten over my 'amnesia' so everyone thought.  
Really all that had happened was I paid attention. Found  
out everything I needed to know. Asked questions about  
Akane's past, so I'd know the answers if I ever needed  
them._

_I'm a liar and a fake. Through and through. _

_Even so, I fooled everyone. Even you, who knew Akane  
better than even I did. _

_It was so sudden. One day, I was off guard. You'd  
comforted me for so long, I'd never actually thought you'd  
take any chances at... well…_

_You asked me out…_

_And I… I said yes._

_My friends… no… _Akane's_ friends were all so excited.  
They were happy for me! Cheered me up. Got me pumped  
for it. I was a perfectly good girl and just because I was  
practically a widow was no reason for me not to try again!_

_But… even without them, I still would've said yes. Even  
without trying to act like Akane, I would have said yes._

_I… I fell in love with you Ryoga._

_All those times you were there for me. All those times I needed  
comfort. Whenever I was lonely or sad, you'd suddenly show  
up, for no reason. You were completely lost._

_It was so cute. I always sort of liked that you got lost even  
though I was so glad for you when you finally did fix your  
curse. Because… when you were lost… you would always  
show up when I needed you the most._

_So… So we dated. Y-you know all this… You've seen it. _

_You watched me fall in love with you.  
_

_I felt… so guilty. The whole time… ever since I first realized  
what was happening._

_I know I should have told you. It was like a permanent lump  
of… of Akane's cooking stuck at the back of my throat.  
Even at the best of times… I still felt guilty… always… I  
tried so hard… but I always wished… _

_  
And that w-wasn't… _

_I didn't lie the day I told you I loved you…_

_I didn't…_

_I didn't lie when I told you I loved you after we  
first made love._

_I didn't lie after you proposed…_

_I didn't…_

_I didn't lie six years later when you asked me if  
we were ready to have a baby!_

_I never lied! Not once!_

_Not when you asked to name him… Ranma…  
and I… declined! I never lied! _

_I promise…_

_God… I promise…_

_I love you._

_Please… please forgive me._

_I love you. _

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Received August 24th 2004

Entry Eight

_Please reply… _

_I… I'll do anything Ryoga…_

_I'd… god I…_

_Please… Please Reply…_

_Please…_

_If… If there isn't any chance… of us… ever… If…  
If you can't… then…_

_Take care of Otenba. I'll understand if… if you  
don't want me anywhere near him. I don't  
deserve to be his mother. I don't deserve…_

_God I can't…_

_I can't give him up Ryoga!_

_Even if you can't stand me I… he's my son!  
Please…_

_I beg you…_

_I love you._

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Received August 25th 2004

_Meet me at dawn. The rooftop. We'll talk there._

_Ranma._

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

_August 26__th__ 2004_

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

"Ranma." Ryoga said, looking at the girl.

Ranma flinched. She hadn't been called that in ages. Years even. She stood on the roof, facing him. He whom she'd known since as far as she could remember. Before all this he'd been nothing more than a rival to her. But now… now everything had changed.

A wind flustered around her, battering at her. She shivered. It felt as if Akane's enraged spirit was biting her. For all the wrong she had done. It was much less than she deserved, she thought.

She'd thought… hoped, Akane had forgiven her. Now, she wasn't so sure.

"Ryoga I…"

Ryoga turned away, facing the sunrise.

"Ryoga…" Ranma trailed off. God what could she say? What could she do?

Silence permeated the early morning.

"It's beautiful isn't it. The sunrise I mean." Ryoga said. He sat down, looking towards it with longing eyes.

Ranma took a few belated steps forward. Hope and despair brimmed in her like two opposing ends of a storm.

'Please…' She thought desperately.

"Come sit." Ryoga ordered. Ranma obeyed, sitting next to him where he pointed.

"I… I'm so sorry…" she began. "I—"

"Come on now…" Ryoga interrupted, grabbing her chin and pulling her eyes up to meet his. "That's not the girl I fell in love with."

He paused for a moment and pulled out the letters. "This girl isn't the one I fell in love with."

He threw them in Ranma's face. "You know what you want. You did something stupid. Really stupid." He paused once more. "Incredibly stupid."

Ranma's head lowered with every word, shame bearing down on her like a boulder doubling in size on her back. Her eyes reached her lap once more and again Ryoga grabbed her chin and raised them to meet his.

"But I know you. Akane… Ranma… I… I was so mad… but we've been mad before." Ryoga said.

In the pit of her stomach the battle began to rage further. And Hope. Hope was winning. Did she dare hope?

"I… I loved her so much… every bit as much as you, Ranma! H-how could you!? How could you deny me… the chance to… to look at her… her grave? How could you deny me that!?" Ryoga exclaimed, topic changing right before Ranma's eyes.

"I… I don't know! I'm sorry! I was… was distraught! I told you... told you in the—!"

"Sorry isn't good enough!" Ryoga screamed, startling a flock of morning birds out of the trees. "Eight years! Eight years I've gone thinking he was dead! And now… now… after all this time… after all we've been through… I find out… she… she really was the one who died… after all. And all the while I was falling in love with… with…!"

"I know… I know… I…"

Suddenly Ryoga embraced the girl, plunging his face into her shoulder.

"After all this time… It's been you. And her that was dead…" The ex-lost boy whispered into her shoulder, tears flowing from his eyes.

"Yes… I… Yes…"

It was a short time but to Ranma it seemed forever. Held in his arms, her own wrapped as comfortingly as she could manage around his colossal shoulders. Tears streaming down her own cheeks.

Forever, passed, and ever so slowly, Ryoga raised his head from her shoulders and looked at her. Hope welled like a spring in her… for he was smiling.

"You forget, dummy…" He said. "You comforted me too… Ranma… Ranma was my friend. My best friend… But when Akane came back… telling us that Ranma gave himself… I felt… assured. This was what he wanted… what was right."

Ranma couldn't say anything, as Ryoga broke down again, collapsing once more onto her shoulders. The wind bit at her, freezing for what should be august heat. Chilling her and making her own tears feel salty as they trailed to her lips.

"I thought it was what he wanted. I'd always hoped I had his blessing… I guess… I guess I did…" Were the next words he muffled into her shoulder.

He raised himself, and looked into her eyes, again with that grin.

"R-Ryoga…"

"So… if I'd known… If Akane had never walked back to the Tendo's that day… do you think… do you think I would have gotten that? Would we have ever… ever…"

Ranma stared up into her eyes, hope welling so much it was about to burst. She nodded slowly. "I… like to think… even if I hadn't done… done this… we… me an' you would've… would've…"

"Then… Ranma…" Ryoga interrupted again, slowly, but Ranma wasn't about to think about anger.

He leaned his face close to hers… tears still welling in his eyes.

"I haven't forgiven you yet… But… I can. Because… you're right. You loved me then. You… you love me now… There's just… one thing I need."

"Anything." Ranma said without hesitation.

"I need you… Not this… I need the _real_ Ranma. Unlock the Kaisuifuu. You don't have to lie to me anymore… You don't have to lie to anyone anymore. The others… they might not forgive. Maybe never. But I need that. I need to see my Ranma-chan. Because…"

Ranma tensed in horror and joy and unthinkable desire.

"The name doesn't matter." He said, and placing his hand on her heart, he continued, "Only what's here… You are mine. I love you. _Ranma_ Hibiki."

Tears, this time of joy, and happiness unlike any other overswept Ranma, as she grappled her husband in a grip that could kill a lesser man. She was free. Free of the shackle that was her lie. Her sin. He accepted her. He forgave her.

He loved her.

And… that was all that mattered.

As they kissed, the breeze that she had thought of as freezing before, changed. Still cold, it was no longer a biting anger. Through the redemption of her soul, the wind changed.

It was Akane's wind. And through the warmth of Ryoga's arms wrapped around her small frame, it became a loving caress of forgiveness.

"Thank you, Akane… Thank you…"

The wind only danced in delight.

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

A Materia-Blade One-shot.

Inspired By Sinom Bre's Story:

Cast a Second Line into the Sea

…

…

I don't think I've ever felt so good at finishing a one-shot before.

I'm really becoming pretty damn sappy lately ain't I? Heh. Well that's what ya get! Who knows? Maybe this'll turn into another megalithic uber-fic. It's original. I can tell you that.

Review if you feel the need. It would be greatly appreciated.


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